fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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