he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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