Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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