addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
