Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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