I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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