If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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