so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
