You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
