feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
