They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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