does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
