Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
