Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
