i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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