Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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