so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
