He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
