I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
be right there i have to get my cape
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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