You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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