Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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