The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
