why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
