He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
