lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
