chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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