you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well you can't waste a boner
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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