I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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