I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
