Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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