fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
