Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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