Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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