my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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