Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
