just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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