a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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