He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
