Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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