I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
