I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
