Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
