i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
