My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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