8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
