I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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