she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
