Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
