Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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