we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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