dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
