i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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