You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
