dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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