I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
