I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
