A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
