He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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