What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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