but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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