I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
