what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
