What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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