Define "chronic" masturbator.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
