that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
