What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
