forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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