one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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