I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
