he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
