I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need a beard to bite.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
