piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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