I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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