so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize